Yes, I am going to be 35 in September. Yes, I am not married, nor am I in a serious relationship. Does this stress me out? Yes, but thank goodness it does not stress me out every day any more. It used to, and if anyone really knows me, they know that I want to be married and have children. Originally, I had planned to marry my high-school boyfriend, who I was with for 6 years. We even had kids' names picked out for each and every one of our planned 3 children.
That didn't work out for multiple reasons and I'm not sad about it, it's much better this way, but since then I have really only had one other serious relationship (8 years) and have not had much luck in finding the one.
Sometimes I fear that something is wrong with me. That I'm some sort of leper that will always be alone, but I'm not quite sure I understand it. I do work a lot, but that helps me focus on something positive and productive, instead of wallowing in loneliness. I also do go do fun things with either my family or friends and the I meet new people all the time; just not any available suitors.
Here is what I did learn recently, with the help of my sisters, even if they don't know it. I can't let my past define me. I can't even let the fact that I'm 34 and not married define me. Yes, sometimes that's tough in this society of women must be married and if they are not, they must constantly be on the prowl to find some guy to tie down and support them. Who cares? We each have our own story. I need to stop feeling bad about mine. And I cannot forget, it doesn't define me.
I'm successful, have capitalized on so many opportunities, I never would have had I been tied down. I've traveled to over 18 countries, built an entire product marketing and customer training department from scratch, blog on Forbes, own a fabulous home and get to do as many projects as I want on it, without having to ask anyone. No one. It's pretty awesome and I need to focus on all the good in my life.
I need to use my energy to keep being the best I could possibly be and believe that somehow my story will become what I want it to be, even if it isn't what I would have written down at 16. At 16, I would never have written down all the things in the last paragraph and now I wouldn't give that experience up. If I could write a letter to my 20 year old self, I would say, don't let other people or your own shortcomings define you. You never know what you're capable of until you do it. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to be conventional - but A) who wants to be that way? B) who is conventional? Conventional never got you to greatness.
No, I'm not married yet and one day I will be. And I will have kids, even if I have to adopt. I need to stop letting stupid people with their stupid questions define me. I'm much more than that.
